It has been all over the news. On TV, on the Internet, on printed newspapers and has been the talk of the town
(heheh, medyo exaj!). Singer superstar Rihanna has been allegedly beaten up by singer boyfriend Chris Brown.
(Gustong-gusto ko 'tong couple na'to kaya medyo affected talaga ako sa nangyari.. tsk. tsk!)So, we can't help but ask, what drives a man to be so cruel to the woman he claims to love?
Source: MSN news
A photo that appears to be Rihanna's face with bruises, scratches and swelling from an attack allegedly at the hands of boyfriend Chris Brown was posted Thursday night by the celebrity Web site TMZ.
The close-up image shows a welt above each of the woman's eyebrows, marks on her cheek and around her lips, and general swelling. TMZ did not say how it obtained the photo, when it was taken or by whom.
…
Brown was arrested Feb. 8 and booked on suspicion of making felony criminal threats to a woman that authorities have not publicly identified. A person familiar with the situation, who was not authorized to speak publicly on the matter and requested anonymity, confirmed that the woman was Rihanna, whose real name is Robyn Fenty.
- MSN news
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This news reminds me of someone I know who used to be beaten up by her husband. Her name was Roxanne, a distant relative. Her husband is charming, popular and well-praised for his good deeds in the community. But there is a dark side to Roxanne's mate, one that even their close friends do not see. Roxanne confessed,
"At home, he's a monster. He gets intensely jealous easily."The problem began after they'd been married for just a few weeks.
"My brothers and my mother visited us, and I had such a good time talking and laughing with them. But when they left, my husband violently threw me onto the sofa, wild with rage. I couldn't believe what was happening."Sadly, that was just the beginning of Roxanne's agony, for over the years, she has been battered repeatedly. The abuse seems to follow a predictable cycle. Her husband beats her, then he apologizes profusely and promises never to do it again. His conduct improves—at least for a while. Then the nightmare starts all over.
"I keep thinking that maybe this time he'll change," Roxanne says. Even when she runs away, she always goes back to him.
CAUSES of DOMESTIC VIOLENCESo, how do you know if your soon-to-be partner will eventually become a batterer? I was reading an old release of a magazine called
Awake! regarding family matters and there’s this certain section that talks about the common causes of domestic violence. Ladies, I suggest that you pay attention to the following paragraphs.. ;)
The Family ConnectionNot surprisingly, a number of physically abusive men were themselves raised in abusive families. "As babies and young children, they grew up in hostile surroundings where emotional and physical violence were 'normal.'" According to one expert, a male who is raised in such an environment "can absorb his father's contempt for women very early in life. The boy learns that a man must always be in control of women and that the way to get that control is to scare them, hurt them, and demean them. At the same time, he learns that the one sure way to get his father's approval is to behave as his father does."
Of course, the family environment does not excuse a man's battering, but it may help to explain where the seeds of a violent temperament were sown.
Alcoholism and DrugsMany male batterers also abuse alcohol and other drugs, it's easy to conclude that these substances may cause domestic violence. Substance abuse increases the risk for and lethality of the violence. However, one thing for sure, being under the influence of drugs or alcohol are
not excuses for a batterer's behavior or for his failure to take responsibility for his behavior.
Provoked?Many batterers deny responsibility for their actions, claiming that their wives provoke them. Even some friends of the family may buy into the idea that the wife is difficult to deal with, so no wonder that her husband loses control now and then. But this amounts to blaming the victim and justifying the aggressor. Really, battered wives often make extraordinary efforts to pacify their husbands. Besides, beating one's partner is never justified under any circumstances. The book
The Batterer—A Psychological Profile states:
"Men who are sent by the courts to treatment for wife assault are addicted to violence. They use it as a release from anger and depression, a way to take control and resolve conflicts, and a tension reducer. . . . Often, they can't even acknowledge their role or take the problem seriously."Bottom line is, there is no excuse for a batterer to beat someone especially if that someone is the one he claims to love. That is just a very gross behavior. Take care everyone!
