Funniest Call Center Bloopers

It is said that "Laughter is the best medicine." We've heard that saying or expression since first grade. I believe it is true in a sense that laughter can help relieve stress and can cheer you up from being in despair. For that reason, I'd like to share this collection of telephone conversation or commonly called call center bloopers that I got from the call center industry. I hope you'd enjoy reading the following phone conversations below.

The New Versions of the classic line "If you love someone"

Original version:
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, it was never meant to be...

A Few One Liner Jokes That Can Be Used as Twitter or Facebook Status Update

Here's a few one liner jokes that can be used as Twitter or Facebook Status update.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

A harp is a piano with no clothes on.

A heavy-handed father makes a nimble-footed son.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often.

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: Hold down the shift key and hit the '4' key four times.

Bacon and eggs: Hens are involved, but pigs are committed.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it...

Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I drive by again?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Don't worry: The answer's at the back of the book.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

Feet smell? Nose runs? Hey, you're upside down!

Top Thirty Hilarious Answers To Game Show Questions

Collection of the top funniest answers to game show questions such as at Wowowee, Family Feud, Eat Bulaga, etc.

1. Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?” A: “Utong!”

2. Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?” A: “Umiilaw!”

3. Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: “Humanitarian?”

4. Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga…” A: “Ninja?”

5. Q: “Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?” A: “Sunog!”

6. Q: “Magbigay ng sikat na Willie.” A: “Willie da pooh!”

7. Q: “Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?” A: “Hindunesia?”

8. Q: “Anong hayop si King Kong?” A: “Pagong!”

9. Q: “Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain.” A: “Tae!”

10. Q: “Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?” A: “Canadia!”

11. Q: “Kumpletuhin – Little Red…” A: “Ribbon!”

12. Q: “Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?” A: “Buhok?”

13. Q: “Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin.” A: “Tinga!”

14. Q: “Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?” A: “Pag balita?”

15. Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?” A: “Baby oil?”

16. Q: “Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?” A: “Sweetserland?”

17. Q: “Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?” A: “Godzilla?”

18. Q: “Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?” A: “Itlog ng tao!”

19. Q: “Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?” A: “Sadista?”

20. Q: “Blank is the best policy.” A: “Ice tea?”

21. Q: “Anong parte ng itlog ang masarap?” A: “Yung tangkay?”

22. Q: “Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?” A: “Sa likod!”

23. Q: “Fill in the blanks – Beauty is in the eye of the ____.” A: “Tiger?”

24. Q: “Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?” A: “Saging!”

25. Q: “Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?” A: “Baliw!”

26. Q: “Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?” A: “Kamag-anak!”

27. Q: “Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?” A: “Sa motel?”

28. Q: “Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?” A: “Cold water!”

29. Q: “Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?” A: “Si scooby dooby doo?”

30. Q: “Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka.” A: “Operadang bakla?”

31. Q: “Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?” A: “Madami!”

32. Q: “Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?” A: “Abnormal!”

Posted on www.monzavenue.com

The Love Flow Chart

Start with the first box in first line & move accordingly and see where u endup in the last line. Be honest ...

How to Make a Baby

Just another funny story that, again, I got from an officemate. This is so funny check this out!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.



After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.' 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look' 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith , her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', t he photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? ' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted.

SMS Jokes

The following SMS Jokes was received from an office mate via e-mail. Enjoy!

***
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me for tonight.”
So the White guy says “I love liver and cheese.”
She says “That’s not good enough”
The Black man says “I hate liver and cheese”
She says “That’s not creative”
Finally, the Filipino says “Liver alone, cheese mine!”
***

A man joined a big Multi-National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee quickly!” The voice from the other side responded,” You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?“

“No”, replied the trainee.

“It’s the CEO, you fool! I can fire you out of this company!”

The man shouted back, “I don’t give a damn fucking shit! And do you know who YOU are talking to, you asshole?”

“No.”, replied the CEO.
“Good!” replied the trainee and put down the phone!

***

Finale
INTERVIEWER: “I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!”

The boy thought for a while and said,

BOY: “my choice is one really difficult question.”
INTERVIEWER: “Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. “What comes first, Day or Night?”

The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said,

BOY: “It’s the DAY sir!”
INTERVIEWER: “How?”
BOY: “Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!”

***

His wife being eight months pregnant, poor husband has had to sleep on the floor and this had made him desperate for sex.

One night as she lay on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes staring widely into the empty air.

Feeling sorry for her husband, she takes her wallet and fishes out P500 and gives it to him. “Here, take this and go to the woman next door, and she will let you sleep with her tonight. But remember that this happens only once, okay? Don’t ask me to do this again.”

The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that she might change her mind, grabs the money, and leaves quickly.

A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife, and says with much disappointment, “She said this is not enough, she wants P600.”

The wife’s face slowly turns red with anger. “Damn that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him P500!”

***

7 tawa sa TEXT:
1.Haha-masayahin
2.Hehe-malib0g
3.Harhar-pas0si
4.Bwahaha-bruha
5.Hihi-pacute
6.Hekhek-pang-asar
7.Jeje-virgin

kaya ingat sa pagtawa. Hehe.. Este Jeje pala!